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6 Clichés we Hear at Every Desi Wedding

Don’t be THAT person

By Rozina Bhutto

“Maami rona nahi, itna mehnga makeup karaya hai meine,” yelled Maya Ali while her Maami sobbed away despite the heads up. We realised – for the zillionth time – that celebrities are human, just like us. They fear the same things that we do, especially at a desi wedding. Case in point are thoughts like “Will my saari fall off”, “What if I have lipstick on my teeth when I smile for the camera”, and…you get the drift right?

After listening to one of Pakistan’s most celebrated actresses worry about her expensive make up, we’ve decided to embrace our inner desi.

@mayaaliofficial #mayaali #irfanahson

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Below, we list seven commonly heard phrases at a desi wedding.

 Yawrr khaana kab lagega?

That is the question on every single person’s mind. Even if they don’t say it out loud, we can observe their eyes travelling back and forth from the buffet table.

Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

Asks a woman near you and you feel like replying with a cold monologue, “No, you don’t. Just quit running your tongue over your teeth already.” Instead you just shake your head and take out a mirror to check if your teeth are doing fine. Thanks for introducing paranoia in our lives.

Next time, just take a finger, put it in your mouth, and pull it out to make your teeth a lipstick-free zone.

Is my mascara running?

This question usually comes after the Nikkah or Rukhsati. You may have internalized a dozen tutorials on how to keep your makeup intact till the end of time, but the drill cannot get rid of your fear of looking like a Raccoon.

As soon as a tear pops out, so does your compact.

Is this uncle on your side?

Yup, we all know of that one uncle at desi weddings who cannot seem to contain his enthusiasm for no apparent reason. Nobody knows him! The larki walas decide to not recognize him and the larka walas have already assumed he’s from the other team.

Despite coming to the wedding uninvited (or so it seems), this “uncle” ends up making all the major decisions like how much the joota chuppai should be and when should the rukhsati take place.

Itnee bari hogayi ho Shonu?

Okaeey. Maybe you haven’t noticed but

  1. Shonu was bound to grow upwards and outwards in the past 10 years.
  2. Shonu is wearing fake lashes, foundation, and a burgundy lipstick so yeah, she’d be damned if she doesn’t look ‘bari’ even after investing so much effort in doing just that.

You’re marrying a man you love so dekho, don’t cry.

We’re sure the brides feel like saying, “Do you want me to wait for a written permission from you if, god forbid, I do feel like crying?”

Itna mehnga make up karaya hai meine!

That’s one thought which is a constant in every girl’s head at a desi wedding. So much so that they feel physical pain in dissolving away 20k worth of foundation, eyelashes that are worth 10k, and a highlighter worth 30k.Hence, we find it mandatory to enlighten people about our expenditures at every given opportunity.

Despite being irritated with these clichés, let’s face it, desi weddings wouldn’t be this fun if even one of these elements is missing.