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A Lazy Person’s Guide To Celebrating Eid

What if our Eid isn’t as ‘happening’ as our parosi's?

By Rozina Bhutto

This is the question that plagues us every Eid until we come to terms with our version of the celebration. There are two kinds of people in this world: The first kind – let’s call them Eidomaniacs – love celebrating Eid. The second type – the Eidobores – don’t understand what the fuss is all about.

Let’s understand the types in more detail.

The Eidomaniacs on Eid

The entire family – dressed in colourful gota kurtas and chunri dupattas – gather on the rooftop to see the moon. The moon shows up and decides to stay put for an entire hour (which isn’t the case) until you’ve prayed your heart out and exchanged “chand mubaraks,” with your neighbours who’re sneakily eyeing your happy Eid-ready family from their respective roofs. Morning arrives and the festivity increases twofold. The entire family sits around a breakfast table fit to be wedding dinner party and everybody beams until it’s time to sleep. They probably smile while they’re sleeping too.

The Eidobores on Eid

This type wakes up at noon and waddles groggily to the kitchen for their regular breakfast: chai with toast. Then they drag themselves back to their bed, and watch Netflix until it’s time for lunch. They follow this routine religiously for three days straight.

If you belong to the second kind, then join us as we give you a step by step guide on how to celebrate Eid.

Step 1: Wake up at noon. If you can manage to ignore your mother’s death stares for longer, then by all means sleep until she drags you out of the bed by the leg or threatens to disown you.

Step 2: Refuse to change into the fancy, insanely uncomfortable Eid clothes. In fact, prepare beforehand and invest in a pair of PJs especially for Eid. If anyone says, “Dude, you won’t get sawab because you aren’t wearing new clothes,” look at them and reply, “Bro, these PJs are absolutely new. Even the iron didn’t get to touch them!”

Step 3: Not adhering to the dress code doesn’t mean you don’t get to enjoy your Eid lunches and dinners. Make sure you feast on as many sheer khormas and niharis that happen to fall into your line of vision.

Step 4: Food coma calls for sprawling across your bed and binging on your favourite TV shows, so we suggest you do exactly that! Sprinkle in some all-time favourite chick flicks like Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, and other such gems.

Step 5: It’s finally close to midnight and suddenly your brain cells are in an overdrive. How can you let your Eid pass just like that? So you call your friends and ask: Where the PARTAAY at?  A spot is decided and you have the Eid celebrations that your mother wishes you didn’t.

Step 6: Rinse (because taking a bath is absolutely necessary) and repeat until the Eid holidays reach their end.