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All I never wanted was a Birkin

Khattay Maltay key rang ka Birkin. Uff-My-Lordship!


By Saadia Tariq

Once upon a waqt a richie-rich saheli came to stay with me in Singapur – you know na where it is – just thora saa agay from Thighland. Any-the-how Saheli carried Khattay Maltay key rang ka Birkin. Uff-My-Lordship, Myself moo khulla ka khulla, such expenses hand bags, how to carry them around?

Myself can go around with a plastic shaaper also, but Saheli carrying Birkin! Theek hai each to their ownership: mein kaun tu Lifaafa!

All raat I kept sitting at the gate, bhaee what if some chor vore coming and thefting Saheli ka bag – I will go to deathbed with embraiisssment. Myself felt little laalchi and also wanted to hold the Birkin on my arm but had no guts to ask Saheli. Aakhir kaar after lots of Coke I sang “Zaalima zara Birkin dikha dey” saheli ka dil melting and she gave me the Khattay Maltay key rang ka Birkin.

mandarinsBirkin in my seedha haath, Myself walking with chests ooper – bhaee wah – Myself felt on saatwaan aasmaan. God Promise don’t ask Myself what happened only after five minutes!

Myself slippo on the pavement, pehlay Birkin fell, phir Myself fell on the Birkin – Haiiyoo rabba – Myself wanted to be on deathbed and never show my bootha to Saheli. So much embraiisment – aap khuddi socho Bhenji – itna expenses Khattay Maltay key rung waala Birkin – ooper sey I slippo!

Myself got up with aanso and sharmindagee and saw Saheli, usko ko to saanp soonghing. Myself rushed her to the husuptaal. Doctor said Saheli had ghehra sadma. Myself half on deathbed – immediately got her glucose kee drip and sent her back home the next day – with Birkin.

But aapas ki baat hai, Myself wanted to tell her I did not like the Khattay Maaltay ka rung waala Birkin, perhaps next time she is visiting, she can bring navy blue –kya khayaal hai Bhenji?

Today only, Mister said he wanted to buy me a Bootaygaa – hain what the bloody, I think to myself, “Bootay ka kya?” but then Mister corrected me and said it was Bottega! Haiyooo Rabba, Myself so well written in English, but sometimes I forget!

Na baabaa na, Myself don’t have shoulders to carry itna fancy shmancy naam – Myself best with plastic shopper only!

  • Shahana

    Hahahahaha…I love how Saadia writes!

  • Shafaq

    love ur style Sadia! So freaking hilirious!!