Beware of the frenemy

How to identify these toxic beings

listening copy

Mishayl Naek

The greatest plague to hit Pakistani society is the frenemy. This nasty emotional virus comes disguised as the friend you’ve always wished you had. However, the malignant nature of this human version of nasal congestion entrenches you via late night messenger conversations and soon enough the snide comments and un-invites leave you wondering. No my dear, she’s not your bestie she’s your frenemy. Let us show you the early warning signs so you can save yourself, and your social media feed, before it’s too late:

1. Besties for Your birthday

Frenemies turn up before major events and befriend you so fast and deep you’re dedicating your shaadi album to them. Unfortunately, they haven’t just discovered you; it’s more like they’ve discovered your social relevance. The test will come when you need them for more than a party. If they’re there as a shoulder to cry on then consider them the real deal.

2. Friends on your iPhone

Are you suddenly selfie queens and hashtagging #sisterfromanothermister or #friendslikefamily? If you’re using the blessed emoticon more than you’re actually seeing your friend then perhaps it’s time for a reality check. Friends who are more online than #IRL need to be deleted.

3. Information central about YOU

Isn’t it so nice when people listen to what you have to say? If they’re only talking about you and your life and giving away nothing meaningful about theirs, then take a breath. Gathering intel so they can trade stories or dish out dirt with other #besties will never paint you in the positive.

4. Friend stealer

You just LOVE her so you introduce her to your friends. A few months later and they’re all hanging sans you. Also, she met them in grade school during a summer camp where they all braided each other’s hair and you are nowhere in the picture. The worst is when they have inside jokes about their 2AMWhatsApp conversation in front of you.

5. Say What?

This is your final warning. When you start hearing jabs in the form of jokes, you know it’s time to cut this cow out. Using all the information gleaned against you, she starts making cutting remarks and covers it up with a fake laugh.