By Sherazade Khan
Whether it’s your mom, khala, dadi or some well-meaning aunty that fancies herself a matchmaker, if you live in Pakistan, you have definitely been down the rocky road of rishta setups. For many it ends well, and by that we mean they find their soulmates after several failed attempts, but for others, the nightmare continues until you’re finally read to say, “Qubool hai!”
Today, we round up some of the most random rishta encounters we’ve had the misfortune of ever coming across.
Here are some deadly stories by ladies who dared to share the stinky – in some cases they were literally that – details.
The Cry Baby by Sidra
I had been seeing a guy, suggested by a common friend, for a few weeks with the intention for it to go further if we felt that we clicked. Unfortunately, I found that our interests weren’t really aligned and we didn’t have much to talk about – plus we came from very different backgrounds.
One day, about a month into our ‘getting to know each other’ phase, as he was dropping me home, I decided to tell him it wasn’t working. He started crying in the car! I’m not talking a few snivels or holding back tears, I mean full on sobbing! Imagine the awkwardness as I got out of the car! – Sidra
The Gas Meister by Asma
A family friend sent a supposedly accomplished boy to my grandmother, and she wanted to introduce him to us – her prized granddaughters – before anyone else. I have to say he was quite handsome and all of us cousins were definitely intrigued…that is till he started to stink up the place. That’s right.
He either had a severe case of anxiety or food poisoning, but he was letting out silent, but deadly farts!
When he stood up to leave, they were no longer silent, so he started to noisily move any furniture he could get his hands on to mask the noise! Needless to say we were all in fits of laughter and we never saw him again.
The One That Almost Never Showed Up by Tania
This boy from the extended family was apparently insistent on marrying me, or his mother was anyway. After much convincing I agreed to meet him over dinner at our house in London. My mom and I slaved away to prepare everything, lay the table, and clean the house and waited for him to arrive.
The invitation was for 8.30pm but by 10pm not only had he not shown but we also hadn’t heard from him. He finally shows up at our door at 11pm swamped with shopping bags from expensive stores. The kicker? Not one thing was for us (I guess he was never taught how to be a good guest!) and he didn’t even apologise for being late! He said he got carried away shopping.
Needless to say, he was carried off to the exit and was never seen again.
The One That Dined & Dashed by Zareena
It’s hard to come by ‘good boys’ when you’re living abroad, so though hesitant at first, I agreed to meet a boy known to my family to see if we connected. Dinner was somewhat awkward as we didn’t really have much to talk about and I was thankful when the bill came. He suggested we split a cab and that he would drop me home.
“At least he’s chivalrous”, I thought. The cab pulled up to the curb, about 200m from my flat and I got out. Still holding the car door, I turned, bent down to say thank you and it was a pleasure, but before I could he pulled the door shut and sped off, leaving me alone in a dark alley! So much for chivalry!
The Broke Boy by Samira
I was meeting this aunty’s son at a dessert place, but was running a little late so I texted him to say I’d be about five minutes. When I got to the place he wasn’t there, but walked in some ten minutes later with a plastic bag in his hand.
We ate crepes and even had decent conversation. Then the bill came – he passes it to me and says that he blew all his cash buying DVDs while he was waiting for me! Luckily, I had my wallet and enough money to foot the bill, but we didn’t have a second meeting.
We hope these real life experiences don’t put you off the rishta scene! Or maybe we hope the opposite?