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I’ve got 99 Problems but my Maid Ain’t One

And other #DesiRichGirl life hacks


Social media sites in Pakistan have opened our eyes to a whole new community: the desi rich girl. Her life is a unique guide to conquering social empires and reaching new luxury lifestyle zeniths. After all, if you had all the time and money in the world what problems would you solve? Here’s our rundown of #desirichgirl life solutions:

  1. Ditch the Masi: Why are you even bothering with these locals? They’re unreliable, have a funeral every week and lack Schengen Visa. Fire ALL of them and replace with an army of Filipinos and watch your life transcend. After a while you wont even recognize that weird kid speaking Tagalog in your house.
  2. Redesign your life: No decent magazine is going to run a Best Dressed or Spotted feature on you if your life is upper middle class. You’ve got to upgrade yourself (tastefully) to upgrade your ranking. This means move out of that 500 sq yard house into something with a decent pool, ditch Zara for actual Celine and make a social invite from you more precious than a limited edition crocodile Birkin.
  3. Easy Breezy Desi Girl: You have to look flawless for XYZ dinner, but cant be seen getting done up at Bina’s because everyone will know. Every respectable Desi It Girl has her own private Glam Squad to make her flawless for every event. Enjoy the compliments and repeat after me: “Uffh please I just bought this great primer from Selfridges.”
  4. 10 Carat Committees: Have you heard about this? A kitty you need at least 10 carats to join? If I force my hubby to buy me a ring worth more than my MiL’s house, I better get in! The new kitty party is about asserting your social superiority in terms of wealth, without looking paindu. They just need to figure out a way to make people stop robbing them, especially the klepto girl who somehow ghussos.
  5. Become a Muse: With Democracy in full swing and the army not hoarding all the cash, skinny rich girls are now dime a dozen. You have to set yourself above the crowd, and nothing does that better than a serious fashion house feeling “inspired” by you. Just make sure the designer is acceptable. Who cares about Deepak, you’re going for social elite not socially cheap.
  6. Vacations solve everything: Living in a third world country is HARD. There’s poverty, bombs, child abductions and the generator is always konking out. That’s why you have to take a vacation every 2 months. Whether it’s to your pied a terre in Kensington (Mayfair is so 2015) or the private villa in Dubai, you have to leave constantly to live here.