By Sherazade Khan
Ghosting is a thing. Ironically, it is much more real than an actual ghost. It leaves a gaping hole in the ghostee’s life. No, ghosting does not involve getting spooked by your local bhoot. Even though you may suffer from the same amount of PTSD! Ghosting is in fact, the sudden, and (most definitely) rude, disappearance of someone from your life. It can be a friend, boyfriend, or even your favoruite pet.
One fine day, the ghost decides that he has had enough of the ghostee, so they get up and leave, blocking you on social media, and other platforms, so there’s no way to communicate.
Just like that. Without warning.
My good friend Sarah*, was seeing a guy we all liked and got along well with. He was funny, charming, and they made quite the cute couple together. She thought he was the one. One day I got a frantic call from Sarah saying that after a brief conversation about them taking a break (which to her came out of nowhere) this man had stopped taking her calls. When she tried to reach out by sending him messages through other platforms she realised she was blocked.
My friend had been ghosted.
One would think a full-grown adult would have the decency to hash things out rather than be afraid of confrontation, but ghosting can happen to the best of us. If it has happened to you in the recent past, here are some dos and don’ts to help you recover and get back on track with your life.
Blab your heart out
Talk, talk, and talk some more. It is cathartic. If going up to a tree and yelling at it makes you feel good; do it! Just make sure you do it in the middle of the night, because becoming a spectacle (and that too so soon after being ghosted) is not what you’d want.
Yes, remember the famous saying we were always using when we were kids: “Same to you”? It is gold. And probably the best thing you could’ve learnt from your rowdy neighbor back in the 90s. It helped you during your pre-school fights and it is going to help you now!
Pull the ‘same to you’ card with a passion.
Be a lunatic
Yes, there is no harm in it. Score high on the loon-o-meter and email yourself and say everything you wish to say to that son (or daughter) of a bull. All your feelings will be out in one long email and you’ll feel light as a feather. Might as well press the send button because it is going to land right back into your inbox.
Bawl like your life depends on it
Put your phuppo’s annoying toddler to shame and when someone knocks on your door, open it and tell them – with a straight face of course – “it’s the latest yoga technique you’ve learnt over the internet.”
On a serious note, you’ve been hurt and it’s okay to allow yourself to go through the motions of feeling the pain. Getting it out is therapeutic and helps heal the heart and soul.
Throw that “Healthy Happy Hottie” Poster out the window
Well, maybe just tuck it away in a drawer for the time being. Allow yourself to be “crappy, corny, and cosy”. Yes, eat crappy food because now is not the time to diet and deprive your body of nutrients like those found in a bar of chocolate.
Bring the said poster back in
Sheesh! We spoke to soon. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, can make you feel better like a good sweat session can. Exercise! Whether that means taking a stroll in the park, indulging in some yoga, or starting the 42-day challenge! The workout will help shed some of the angst weighing you down. It will also release oxytocin that will make you feel good.
Become a Moaning Myrtle
Remember the girl ghost in Harry Potter who spent her days in boys’ loo and the nights moaning about in the gutter? Don’t be that girl. There’s no point in wondering, “Haww, but what did I do?”
You did nothing. The ghost did, and he/she isn’t coming back to explain the erratic behavior.
Pro tip: Someone who uses ghosting tactics to end a relationship is not someone you would have had a bright future with or ANY future with!
Befriend yet another potential ghost
It is disturbing on so many levels. It may feel good to jump right into another fling or relationship, but the truth is: You need a break!
Remember, a few paragraphs ago you ghosted the person who ghosted you. So, why are we even discussing this? You’ve probably deleted his dismal existence from your life, let alone his mobile number.
Let it ruin your ‘Happily ever After’
Don’t let this disaster of a relationship taint your view of romance, love, and marriage in the future. Bad things happen to good people. Don’t plague yourself with questions like “why did this happen to me?”, “what’s wrong with me?” or tell yourself things like, “maybe I don’t deserve happiness” and “I’ll just die alone”.
Say good riddance to bad rubbish and focus on how lucky any guy would be to date a woman like you. And remember: when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it! Haven’t you read Paulo Coelho?
We know just how devastating an amicable break up can be, let alone one that hits you right out of nowhere. What works for me may not work for you, but keeping these points in mind will set you on the right path to building yourself back up again!
*name changed to protect privacy