It’s 2016 and we can safely say there isn’t a single committee party in town that ends without some kind of conversation along the lines of: “did you hear XYZ ki divorce ho gayi?”
While some of us might think this is yet another master plan of the mighty Dajjal to disintegrate the fabric of society and to rob our womenfolk of their sabr, it’s more about poor judgment than anything else. The Pakistani divorce experience isn’t all sobbing into empty cartons of Movenpick (no need to slum it). There are some pretty hilarious moments on offer:
Don’t Forget to Backup:
Sometimes you hear about the second marriage before the first divorce. Forget the “cool girl,” it’s time to be the “smart girl.” Most of them have already called Bunto to ask about a second lengha before they packed their suitcase. And more often than not, the second time around the guy is definitely an #upgrade as well. So the next time you begin gossiping about her with your friends remember: she’s probably using her time wisely trying to find out when her new saas is moving to Canada for her citizenship.
You weren’t alone in thinking he’s horrible. Everyone talked about it, but behind your back. Once you leave, suddenly, your friends will also come out in the open with their own “I hate him because…” horror stories. At times, however, it can get a little awkward when you find out that most of these stories predate your marriage and engagement!
Get the aunties on your side:
These are going to be some of the most awkward post-divorce moments but it’ll be worth it, just hear us out: Many well-meaning aunties will never lose an opportunity to console you, “Hai bechari deevorce ho gayi!” and expect serious sad face in return. The only valid response is “Bass dua karein meray liyay aunty“. Then just patiently wait for a day or two and soon enough the secret aunty-spy-network will casually inform you of every horrible thing your Ex is getting up to in your separation. Send them fancy cupcakes immediately.
No one is going to invite you out because all your friends are couples and the singles scene is for 25-year-olds. That’s until you start dating again. Your stories are going to turn you into the desi Carrie Bradshaw (more Hum TV than HBO) and your tales of the shy Tinder addict will regale them. Walk into every blind date as comic relief and dinner party conversation.
Finally you are about to become hot. Nothing like losing 200 pounds of husband to make you look 10 years younger. Skip the knife and go straight to the lawyer for the ultimate makeover.