Why Can Society Not Accept The Couple Together after Nikkah?
In Islam, there is Nikkah which means marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. A formal, binding contract is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. Once the words,”Qubool hain” (I agree) is said out loud thrice and the documents are signed then the man and the woman are bonded in the pious relationship of marriage.
However, sadly, now these marriages have become weddings, what’s the difference? Let us just call marriage the actual deal and wedding all the extra expenses that tag along. In Islam, Nikkah is the real deal, rest functions like Mehendi, Rusksati, Mayoon are irrelevant and all adapted from the Hindu culture. Although, Valima is important. To sum it up in Islam marriage consists of two events- Nikkah and Valima. Quite simple, right?
Read more on Twist in arranged marriages
Whereas the society we live in is rather confused, they are all about the religion but god forbid if there is only Nikkah and no Ruksati then they pretend as if the girl and guy are just engaged and not married. Confused? A couple has their Nikkah, now that means they are legally married; in the eye of the God and government are husband and wife. But yet, the newly wedded keeps getting lectures over how to maintain distance and not see each other before the ruksati (sending off takes place when the groom and bride leave the Nikkah venue together). When questioned why not? They are in a sacred relation now and when talked about Islam they’re permitted to live together then why can’t they hang out? The answer given by the elders- Not before ruksati mishaps may happen.
Yes, the mishap here means getting pregnant!
Funny enough these same elders shall be the one harassing the bride once she shifts in with her husband, down the lane for any khushkhabri (good news).
I tried to go in depth with this logic and figure out does this reason make any sense? So, I asked a couple of women to share in their pre-ruksati experience. Since I personally believe it to be absurd that tomorrow if I sign the Nikkah documents and then will not be allowed to meet my husband!
I’m your husband
“My Nikah was done in a rush, I barely knew the guy. After Nikah we started going out, more like he insisted so we get to know each other better and at times I told my family at times I didn’t. In those meetings, he wanted an intimate relation whereas I was not willing but he played the husband card and I had to give in. The relation didn’t work out and we called it off. As holy a woman’s virginity is considered in our society I was scared that’ll what’ll happen now. But God has His ways, few years down the lane and I found the man who loved me beyond his lust for a female body.” So, glad this story has a happy ending.
Next day ruksati
This one is kind of a funny story, “I got my Nikah done on my mehendi night and ruksati was the next day. After the Nikah my husband wanted some alone time but we couldn’t get it, wherever we’d go all our relatives would follow! Long story short even today my husband says, “never did I think that I’ll be spending my wedding night with two men in the room,” since he had to share his room with his cousins.” This story shall definitely go a long way.
I feel her pain! “Our Nikah was done 3 months before we planned the Ruksati. A love marriage so you can imagine. His family is pretty chill but mine not so much, so even back then they were fine with us meeting but my side of the family would have certainly locked me in if they found out I’m meeting my husband without their permission.” How ironic. “What I used to do was, I’d sneak out at night spend the night with him and then get dropped back home early in the morning. Thank god never got caught otherwise that would have been the end of me. I miss those days though and at times when I stay at my parents’ place now, I still sneak out without informing anyone.” How thrilling is this?
Boyfriend or husband?
“Nikah was done a year before the Ruksati. My parents are not strict but don’t know why they were rigid over the fact that you cannot meet your husband before the ruksati. It was arrange-love kind of a thing and I was not the kind to hold back. So, the girl who never had a boyfriend finally had one who was legal for her too. I used to meet him, we went out on dates with the fear of getting caught. It was all fun and once we officially started living together I started valuing that post-nikah and pre-ruksati time even more. When you start living with someone that is the time you get to know how they really are.” The ending sentence did get me a bit confused though.